One of the biggest, self-created barriers we deal with when it comes to reaching our goals and creating a life that is fulfilling is that we simply don’t know what it is we actually want.
Yes, it is easy for us to say things like, “I want lots of money or I want a better job.” We say these wants all the time, yet nothing actually improves!
There is a BIG reason nothing ever changes and that is because those type of statements are wishy-washy. They are run of the mill average and they don’t truly clarify what it is you want in life, what it will do for you and why you want it in the first place.
If you want to create real change in your life and experience real improvement in your day to day living scenario – you’ve got to develop clarity in just what you want to be, do and have.
I’ll walk you through the exercises below to help you begin developing this clarity and then if you’d like to continue focusing defining your ‘wants’ you can sign up for my Lining Up Your Goals class.
How is your life now?
Before we can go about creating change and getting what we want, we first need to take assessment of our life as it is right now.
Grab some paper and a pen.
Write down the main categories of your life:
- Emotional State
- Physical Health
- and I add these too –
Just make a list and then write a number from one to ten next to each category rating how ‘good’ each category of your life is right now.
1 would be dreadfully awful and 10 would be Totally Stellar Can’t Get Any Better.
For those bonus categories of Fun, Passions and Talents, base your rating off of how much of these categories you’ve got in your day to day life. A 1 would be you have zero fun, never spend any time doing things that are interesting to you and you most definitely are not utilizing your real talents and strengths. A 10 would be you include lots of fun in your life, you invest time daily for things you are passionate about and your day is packed with activities and things that use many of your strengths and talents.
Take a look at your numbers. How did it go? Is your life looking pretty good, kind of boring and just ok or are you in need of a life overhaul? If you need a life overhaul read this one on How to Hit the Reset Button in Life.
Odds are you wrote down mostly 6’s and 7’s. For the three bonus categories, most people end up writing down a number less than 5 for each one.
The average person doesn’t invest any time at all into their talents or real interests and most women reply that they need a lot more FUN in their lives.
Most people will tell you that your next step is to look at the categories that you ranked a 5 or less and to start working on those areas of your life and that once you improve them your joy and well-being will increase.
We are NOT going to do that at all. The whole purpose of you taking note and observing how your life is right now, is just that, to help you develop greater awareness of how you’ve been going about things. They way you’ve been going about things hasn’t brought you the life you dream of, that’s why you are reading this. Hang in here, I’ve got your hand.
I tell this to every single one of my clients and workshop participants, what you focus on in life is what you will get. I want you to write this statement below down on your paper in BIG letters and imprint it in your mind and soul. This realization changes and improves everything for you, EVERYTHING!
When we UP our self-love and self-care, everything in our life will improve!
Everything improves. Do you know what happens when you begin to adjust your daily choices and activities to reflect taking better care of yourself, and doing things you love – you feel happier and healthier on every level and it expands outward into every single category of your life. That list you made – if you pay attention to those 3 bonus categories and work on improving them FIRST, they will uplift all the other categories naturally, over time.
The categories of Fun, Passions/Interests and Strengths/Talents are intertwined with your levels of self-love and self-care.
If you have healthy levels of self-worth and self-love and self-care, you WILL do things that are fun for you every day. You will not just want to but you will make time for things every single day that you are interested in and passionate about. When you believe that you can and should utilize your strengths and talents, you align yourself with who you are naturally, with who you were created to be and do in life.
Healthy self-love means that you truly believe you are worthy of a life that is fun, that includes things you enjoy and that you believe in your talents and you believe that it is not just okay but vital for you to include these things in your life.
Is self-love and self-care something you struggle with? Try our free Learning to Love Me series for a boost in self-esteem and confidence.
What Is It You Want?
What we just walked through brought about two things for you.
One – the way you had been going about life is how everyone else goes about life and that is why you are not having much fun, why you are not feeling joy and passion much and that you are letting your real talents be wasted simply because you’ve never believed you are meant to be using them. You just realized through observation and awareness that life has been mediocre or less than ideal and that there are people (Hello, waving hand here), lots of people in this world who ARE leading lives that are fun, on purpose, fulfilling and have lifestyles revolving around their passions and talents.
Second – You just learned or finally ‘got it’ that you ARE 100% worthy of leading a life that is fun, fulfilling, passionate and on purpose. You just never had anyone else tell you or you refused to believe it.
Let me get this across as clearly as I can:
When you identify what you really, truly want in life… it will include those 3 bonus categories. It will.
So, what is it that you want to be doing in your life?
Who do you want to become?
What would you like to have in your life?
You say you want more money. Okay. Why? Just to catch up on the bills or build a little savings? That is the typical answer most reply with.
That’s not going to do it. That is not a big enough WHY to create the shift within that brings about all the changes on the outside.
You Need These…
Do you have a bucket list? A 100’s list? Do you have a My Reasons Why list?
Think about that for a moment. Your bucket list is your fun list, right? It includes a few things that are easy to go out and do and get, there are many things on your bucket list that are slightly outside of your current comfort zone and reach, and there are also a few really, crazy out there ideas you just added because hey, it’s a bucket list.
Your 100’s list… I call this the what are you going to do with it list? If you won the lottery or all your wildest dreams came true what the heck are you going to do with it? Who would you help? What organizations or causes would you give to? Because even if you were able to do and cross off everything on your bucket list, you probably will have oodles left over. If you spent all the money guess what… you still have tons of your talent left to share. The 100’s list is your WHO and What list.
If you were utilizing your talents and living your life on purpose, intentionally, who would be on the receiving end of your natural gifts?
My Reasons Why list is your reminder list while you are in the process of getting there. This list and what you put on it, who you put on it, is your propelling drive on the days when your mindset and inner strength is struggling. Your Why list is a quick access tool for shifting yourself back into alignment and for helping you stay focused and refocus on what you are doing with your time, energy and talents.
Your Bucket List is your FUN, your 100’s list contains the recipients and benefactors of you allowing yourself to be who you were created to be and your WHY list…
Let me add one more thing to your WHY list. If you have that real self-worth, self-love and self-care that we are meant to have, guess who the very first person listed on your list will be?
You should be doing everything in your life for yourself first. Because it honors the self-love and self-care rule. And when you honor this rule, it will reward everyone else farther down on your list wonderfully. We can only love and care and give to others to the degree in which we first love, care and give to ourselves. Natural laws of life. As women we tend to struggle with this one a lot.
Take this just a little bit further now. If you keep adding to your WHY list, I guarantee you that after your run out of immediate loved ones to add to the list, your why will shift from names to this…. Because I love doing it. Because it interests me and I want to learn more and get better at it. Because it is fun. Because it makes me feel good. Because I am good at it.
Whatever it is you WANT in your life… you’ve got to line it up all the way. You need to know WHY you want it, you need to know what it’s going to do for you and allow you to feel and experience differently than you currently are and then, you need to know WHAT you are going do with it.
Go Ahead Now
Use your notebook to do some journaling exercises. Write down what you DO want in as great of clarity as you can. Really describe what you want in detail. It may help to visualize your ideal day, home, environment, career and the like.
We can’t have what we won’t dare to identify and unless we decide what exactly it is we want, we can’t create goals that will help us actually receive what we want.
I suggest working on it a little be every day for the next week or so and then setting it aside and picking it up again in a few weeks. What you wanted 5 years ago, is not going to be the same as what you want right now, nor is what you want right now going to be the same in another 10 years. It is important to observe, reflect and adjust a few times a year to make sure we are allowing ourselves to evolve and that we are living the life we are worthy of.
We are continuously evolving and life is all about growth and change.
It’s okay to reflect on each category of your life, that list way up there. I want you to think about the categories that you didn’t mark highly. Now that I’ve walked you through this, can you see why maybe those categories you’ve really struggled with in recent years.
If you then look at those categories you scored higher, I bet you can see and identify that yes, in these areas of your life – you had a stronger WHY, you are likely using some of your strengths or are doing things like a career that kind of aligns with what you’d really like to be doing.
When we live our lives intentionally, on purpose and pursue our passions in life, our WHY is powerfully strong, our who (100’s list) is like a magnet drawing us to them (they need our light and talents) and life is incredibly fun and rewarding when its centered around activities and topics we are passionate about.
How many of the goals you’ve set and gone after in your life were centered upon what we talked about today? How many of the goals you attempted to reach you’ve achieved?
This is the key to achieving goals consistently! It’s all about knowing what you want, in clarity, and aligning your goals with your passions, your talents (always leads to your purpose) and you having more fun and enjoying life more. If you’d like to, you can use the coupon below and sign up for our full online course below.
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