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Perspectives of The Driven Mom

Perspectives of The Driven Mom

Perspectives of the Driven Mom

~Sequel to The Driven Mom

 kaboompics.com_Female hand writing on a paper

Dear Contented SAHM,

I know what you do and believe in is very important. I share very similar beliefs in regards to my roles as mom and wife and caretaker of my family.

Sometimes though I see the way you look at me, questioning my level of commitment to keeping a very clean house, to providing the healthiest of home cooked meals and snacks, of my turning down to volunteer for yet another project.

I also see the flickering of wonder in your eyes, as you briefly question if there is more to life than just being a wife and mom.

There certainly is. And while I deeply respect and value every woman for the choices she makes in what she decides is good for herself and her family, I can more assuredly and easily add there is much, much more to life than just being a wife and mommy.

I dear, am the Drive Mom, the one who has to be pursuing something for myself. I love to cook, love to bake, and love playing with my kids. I love being there for my family and helping them to grow into more wonderful people.

I am happiest and healthiest when I can balance those roles/duties with things that improve me as a person. Exercise keeps my body strong and my mind sharp. Pursuing my career goals keeps me challenged, alive and invigorated. Being a leader in some of my passions is honorable, and it feels wonderful to help others. These things replenish my energy levels, alleviate stress, make me feel connected with the outside world, and give meaning to my life and who I am, on top of that of being a wife and mom.

I also absolutely despise doing activities that give little to no return. The endless picking up of the same heaps of toys, the constant parenting battles that repeat themselves day after day, the barrage of nonstop shrieking, whining, fussing, fighting and simply ignoring that goes on with the kids. Not for me.

The obsessive compulsive need to re-clean the same countertops fifty times (three times daily is enough), and sweeping to get every little crumb left behind. Nope.

The need to hold my kid’s hands through every itty bitty second of the day or create one educational activity after another, not to mention the damn arts and crafts projects – won’t do it.

I am more of an independent kid builder who observes from a safe distance (far enough away to let them figure out a solution for themselves but close enough to help if they actually need it). I encourage my kids to use their ever creative imaginations as much as possible.

Sure we do the occasional crafty thing, and we work on improving their knowledge, we just don’t obsess over it.

Speaking of obsessions, I a driven mom, can’t understand the need to obsess over things like cleaning and unimportant itty bitty details. I find myself wanting to ask – “You don’t have anything better to do? Maybe you need to find some personal drive? Something worthwhile to invest your time and energy into?” But I can’t ask that, because it crosses the boundary lines of the Mommy Wars. I’m not here to do battle, just to give a different perspective.

I also can’t understand the concept of not doing anything during the day. This is for those on the other extreme of the SAHM party. I don’t understand how you don’t clean anything, or cook anything somewhat healthy, or workout at all, or play anything with your kids.

I take that back, I do understand. I will call it like it is. Some people are unfocused and undisciplined and have yet to discover their personal value and potential. Some people are focused and disciplined but on things that bring zero return and fail to utilize personal value and talent. And here the driven Mom sits, not smirking, but wondering why?

Why aren’t more moms valuing themselves and their loved ones enough to require more out of themselves? For either extreme? From one end – to actually take care of basic daily needs such as health, wellness, cleanliness, education, etc. To the other end, understanding that losing yourself in over valuing the cleaning and hyper mom actions (being there for everyone in every way all the time) is not going to give you that inner pride and fulfillment you long for.

But enough of crossing those Mommy War boundaries. Don’t want to cause upset, just perhaps a moment to truly think about why we do what we do.

I, driven Mom also can’t let go and depend entirely on anyone else for everything – hence the need to pursue my own career and build some sense of financial independence. The people in my life have proven time and again one must learn to stand on their own two feet. I want to teach my kids to be self-reliant. I believe my husband appreciates that I don’t want the financial responsibilities of providing for our family to be just his. And if something should happen to him, I can rest confidently in my own skills to take care of me and the kids.

I also don’t want to live with nothing. I grew up with that, so yes, I am driven to actually improve my quality of living. Fancy cars, big closets and trips to Greece? Not required. But not having to count every penny to provide basics for our family and our kids miss out on perks of being a kid (sports, vacations etc), totally worth this driven Mom investing in her skills and talents and having her own career.

The driven Mom in me often feels misunderstood, seen as highly focused, high achieving, with high expectations. The truth is I do what is right for me and for my family. I am not you, or my neighbors, and it is likely you are not me (unless you too are a driven Mom). So if you are content with yourself and your life as it is, awesome. If you’re not, you have time to start making some changes today, tomorrow, when you decide to.

This driven Mom just wanted to give a little perspective on what it is like in our shoes.

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Comments (9)

  1. Reply Ali @Little Miss Poof

    I am thankful for you perspective. I have been a full time working mom, a part time working mom and now a stay at home mom. All present their own challenges. I do a little work at home now for my dads company, because I, like you, need to challenge myself and needed an outlet. While changing diaper after diaper is not my favorite I do find joy and a sense of purpose in taking care of the mundane things of day to day life with children. They won’t be this little for long. Thanks for you words!

  2. Reply Crystal

    After 16 years, my blog is my first attempt at doing something for me. I am not super uptight about a clean house either, but I do understand people like that. They literally can’t function any other way. It is a compulsion hard-wired into their DNA. I can give you some insight into people who don’t exercise also. I am one of them. It makes me feel like crap. I do nothing the rest of the day if I exercise in the morning. #creativebloggersnetwork

  3. Reply Ashley Packard

    Thank you for sharing your perspectives. I am the laid back mom, but I know many mom’s similar to yourself. I think as long as it works for your family, that’s literally all that matters.

  4. Reply Amy

    Thanks for sharing, and I get it. I just posted about my SAHM feelings at

  5. Reply Michele

    I, too was a driven Mom and am driven about my career and passions in general. I believe that each person must choose the course of action that is right for him or her. I could not be a SAHM, but I am happy for those who make that choice. There is room in the world for varied choices.

  6. Reply GiGi Eats

    EXACTLY! To each their own! Our mentalities are all so very different. People baffle me sometimes but some things that work for them definitely do not work for me and visa versa!

  7. Reply Jenn

    I have a sign in my living room that says, “Please excuse the mess, but the children are busy making memories”. It’s hard to find balance, but I think every mom needs to cut out some time for herself. It’s why I started “mommytime365”.

  8. Reply Thea

    I feel like we are very similar people yet, I am currently a FT SAHM. I left a great sales career to raise my children myself after my second was born. My house is lived in, my kids play together by themselves, crafting not my favorite of mine but my daughter draws on her own daily. I’m a very driven person. I’m competitive, I play sports still, I’m training for a half marathon….I just manage my family and raise my now; instead of working as well.
    Don’t forget that some very driven people make the sacrifice to stay home because it’s the best thing for their family and their situation. It’s not about who’s more driven, it’s about making the best family life for your own family. 😉

  9. Reply janell kremer

    I appreciate your perspective. I commend you for doing what’s right for you and your family.
    I do however want to shed some light on sahm’s who are driven. I’m sad to hear so many people who assume we’re settling. I don’t see it that way. I do the mundane tasks because that’s part of life, but that doesn’t take away from my drive to be the best at my job. The sad thing is that when I do my best, people who are insecure take it on as me trying to one-up them. As if I’m living my life to make them look bad.
    What I’m driven to do doesn’t just benefit me, it benefits others as well. I am using my gifts and talents, but I don’t receive pay or any applause.
    We all make different choices and none of them are inherently wrong. We raise different kids and teach them what’s important to us. The most important thing is that our kids know they’re love and we as moms feel fulfilled in our calling.
    That’s just my perspective.
    Thanks for a thought provoking post.

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