Are You Resisting Success?
Could you be resisting the very thing you want most? It may be better health, improved relationships, a more enjoyable career, building prosperity, or even feeling peace and joy consistently.
Think about your life right now. Actually, go find a piece of paper and jot down on the top line our five main life categories: Spirituality, Health, Relationships, Career, and Finances.
Write down what is causing you the most stress in these categories. You don’t need to make a big list, just write down 1-2 things in each category and if you want to come back and add more later you can.
If you’ve been following me for a while or have taken one of my success courses you will recall that one of the biggest challenges we face is not in fact Fear. It’s resistance – the unwillingness to let go of whatever it is we’ve got a serious grip on.
Resistance is usually an accumulation of:
Doubt (lack of self-belief, worth and confidence)
Worry/anxiety (fear of unknown or made up future outcomes)
Fear (imagined states in which you can’t handle things in life)
Rigid Beliefs (there is only one way and it’s this way)
Anger (You are mad because life is going by your dictation)
Resentment (People aren’t doing things your way or who won’t cater to you)
Hate (totally unrelated to anyone else – a deep seeded level of everything negative)
Frustration (You’re trying but things just aren’t working or happening fast enough – lack of patience)
Despair (Not knowing what to do and lacking desire to continue trying)
Refusal (To do anything constructive or to try an alternative approach)
Living in the Past (Rigid Beliefs, Anger, Resentment, Hate, Frustration, Refusal)
Living in the Future (Doubt, Worry, Fear, Beliefs, Frustration)
How many of those rang a bell loud and clear?
It’s ok. It really is.
Everyone experiences these emotions and states at some point.
The kicker is – we always have a choice and if we own our decisions we begin to reclaim our personal power. As we begin to regain that power and become more decisive, especially when it comes to our approach to life and our emotions (yes emotions are a choice), we find ourselves starting to surf through life.
In a nutshell, resistance is:
The unwillingness to face the truth about yourself, your life and avoiding ownership of both. It is fighting the very change (growth) that is required for you to maintain and improve your health, relationships, career and finances.
We are meant to evolve (grow and change) during our lifetime. Resistance is throwing up everything you can to prevent that evolving from happening. What results is that long hearty list of negative energy and experiences.
Let’s look at the flip side, of how to handle the resistance we give.
Highly Successful People:
Utilize the ability to surf through life and handle challenges and new opportunities with ease.
This is not an overnight miracle that gets added to one’s toolbox. Nope. The skill of surfing (rising above circumstances to make decisions from a higher and better approach – instead of drowning in emotions and states of resistance) comes with time and practice.
If you want to surf well you need to own up to yourself, to your decisions and your life. You will have to claim your power, your ability to handle life well and seek out new challenges regularly in which to practice your surfing skills.
Usually right past working through and letting go of your resistance to the very thing you so desire or are trying to avoid.
Do you run away from your problems? I know you know people who do. What happens? Those troubles tend to follow along like a shadow.
What happens we face reality, the very thing we don’t want to look at and acknowledge?
The issue tends to not be as bad as we made it out to be.
Our fears and worries and negative emotions dissolve pretty quickly when we look at them head on. When we shine a floodlight on the truth behind our resistance, we actually take back the power we gave the situation. We remove from it any and all control over us and we reduce the severity of the problem.
Once we unchain our resistance, we find ourselves still breathing, standing and capable.
Tools for Overcoming Resistance
I want you to try something.
On your piece of paper draw a line from the left edge to the right edge. This is your lifeline. Now draw a dot somewhere on the line based on your age. I’m in my thirties so my dot is left of the center of the page.
Now that you are looking at your entire life line, the past, present and future – is this issue, the thing you are gripping onto and resisting that is preventing you from experience joy and peace – is it worth all the fuss and resistance?
If you add to your line the 3 worst things you’ve ever experienced, make a little hill on the line for them. You survived those 3 big events, right? It can feel sheepish to acknowledge our foolishness in hanging onto this resistance we currently are gripping onto. But in truth, we’ve made it this far. We will get through this current challenge. In fact, it probably won’t even appear as a little hill on your life line if you come back in 20 years and do this exercise again.
The purpose of this exercise is to help you regain healthy perspective on yourself and life and the way in which you are approaching it.
Tool #2 The Monkey Bars
Picture your child or a young family member on the playground dangling from the monkey bars. They made it halfway across but now they are panicking, crying and freaking out. As you stand ten feet to the side, you are offering encouragement. You reassure the child that they can make it all the way across if they stop crying and panicking. You remind them they already made it halfway across the monkey bars.
You tell this sweet young soul that if they want they can let go, the ground is only a foot under their wiggling feet. Suddenly all that squirming causes their hands to slip and down they come. After a moment, the tears subside as this child realizes they are fine. They look at both sides of the monkey bars and dust themselves off and scamper off to play on a slide.
Now, I want you to understand this child is you. Whatever it is that you are resisting in life – safe and solid ground is right under your feet. You can let go. After you let go you can totally decide to go a different route.
If you want to look at it squarely you can, you can regather yourself and continue climbing across the monkey bars to the other side.
Or you can let go. You can land lightly on your feet, take a deep breath, dust yourself off, walk away. You can turn and look back at the monkey bars (your current issue you are resisting) and reassess the whole thing. You can come up with other ideas and ways to handle it and return to the monkey bars and give it another go.
Oh, Feel that Freedom!
That image certainly brings a whole new perspective to things, doesn’t it?
This is freedom. This is what surfing through life feels like.
It’s freedom. It’s joy, strength, acceptance, agility, hope, focus, determination, willingness and belief.
I want you to feel that too!
Go back to that list you made earlier. For each item you added as something you’ve been resisting, I want you to do the monkey bar exercise and work through the resistance. Allow yourself to at the very least considering letting go of it. Everything begins with a thought.
Successful people, strong minded people – all feel that list of emotions and states of being. The difference is successful people utilize recognition, wisdom and experience to resolve resistance differently.
When you start to feel negative emotions or tension:
- Recognize that you are experiencing resistance. Maybe you need to forgive yourself or someone. Maybe you need to shine light on what you are gripping onto. Recognize you can decide to deal with it right away, and that you CAN get through and rise above this circumstance.
- Utilize wisdom. You are smart. You can totally handle things. You can choose strength, peace, joy, forgiveness, belief, love, compassion, energy, and the whole array of positive tools. You have a toolbox of lessons learned and insight to resolve things.
- Think about how far you have come in the last ten years. Think about all the things you have overcome and handled well. What worked really well to get through those moments? Use your prior experience and practiced skills and strengths to approach this resistance with maturity. Think of yourself as a well-seasoned athlete and it’s just another game. Maybe it’s raining, you may get muddy but you won’t melt.
Life is all about us evolving, growing and changing over the course of our lifetime. Nobody wants to live the same year for seventy years. Allow yourself to let go of everything that is holding you back (like your resistance to change).
Add these affirmations to your toolbox:
I embrace growth, learning and change.
I am willing to let go of my grip on this issue. I release all resistance now and I embrace the present moment.
I am capable of handling what this day brings.
I refuse to be anxious about tomorrow or the next hour.
I am Decisive, Empowered and Resilient.
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