Allowing + Forgiveness + Self-Acceptance
As we continue our Learning to Love Me series, today we are covering a topic that is quite challenging for women, the arts of allowing, forgiving and accepting ourselves as we are.
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Life is filled with ironies, and as I write this, I too am going through another round of reflection on these three aspects of self-love. I encourage you to grab a journal and jot down any thoughts and ideas that come to your mind as you read more.
The Art of Allowing
One of our biggest challenges as women is the pressure, not just from others but from ourselves, to be doing more than we currently or are capable of. We struggle so much with just allowing ourselves to live in the moment and take life day by day.
As caretakers and multiple hat wearers we have to do so much for thought, thinking weeks and months in advance for appointments, kid’s activities, our own jobs and making sure everything fits together just right.
Women who are dealing with sadness, depression, anger and resentment are not able to live in the moment because they are stuck in the past, with things that happened and are said, done and gone. Flip this to women who deal with anxiety and worry, these ladies are living the in the future, trying to pan out the right path to take to cause the least struggle.
The Art of Allowing is learning to just let ourselves be here and now, present (at least within the limits of today’s 24 hours) and able to be at peace within.
Oh, I know how tough this one feels, it is something I think every woman truly struggles with. We have to give up our grip on whatever means we’ve been using to survive day to day (those emotions, conditions and excuses). Letting go of what has been getting us through (that is now holding us back from real inner peace) is scary. I mean, it was working before and if we let go of it than it feels like we are falling through air and can’t see solid ground beneath to stand on. But, we need to let go if we want to finally be able to breathe again.
If you have a few minutes, go read these articles on Letting Go, Surrendering and Letting Go of Resistance. We’re going to move on to forgiveness and self-acceptance, then we we’ll tie allowing into it.
The Art of Self-Forgiveness
It’s so easy to beat ourselves up for falling short of our ideals and goals in life. We believe we could be doing so much better. The truth is we know we can be doing much better. We want to be doing better, we just can’t seem to get on top of life and keep all our plates spinning without something crashing.
Self-Forgiveness means we just pause and set all the plates we are juggling down one by one. We just literally stop (the madness). We allow (there it is!) ourselves to pause long enough to admit it. The truth. When we can admit that we don’t have our S*t together and that we really feel like we are failing everyone and at everything, only then we can start to gather ourselves up and regroup. When we can’t stop the acting game for a day and just sit down and take it all in – all that we’ve been doing and juggling, we realize we don’t want to be doing all of that anymore. It was obvious in the midst of it that we were losing it but we just couldn’t face it.
Self-forgiveness is when we face ourselves and our life and how we are going about it. It’s taking a really good look at it all. Real self-forgiveness is compassionate and tender, it’s giving yourself a big hug (maybe a glass of wine) and allowing yourself to be a total mess, inadequate (for today) and not able. This is when you acknowledge that you are (insert your age) and that you’ve only had (your life experiences) and you’ve been doing things the best you knew how under the given conditions.
Yes, you can do better and at the same time you can forgive yourself for not having figured out just how to be and live better quite yet.
You are a work in progress, after all that is what life is all about.
Self-forgiveness not only allows us to stop the chaos as we’ve been driving it forward every day for who knows how long, but it allows us to begin again, with a calmer state of mind and a better approach. At the very least, forgiving yourself allows you to slow down long enough to realize there has to be a better way!
The better way is… you guessed it – Greater Self-Love & Self-Care!
When we start losing it, this means we’ve been losing ourselves and that is because you tried to keep up a standard that wasn’t authentic to your real self, abilities and values. You stopped living for you.
The farther we stray from living authentically, the more we try to force things and life to happen and the further we fall behind. We fall behind because we are not pausing often enough to listen to the still small voice within that is the real you.
We find ourselves coming up short of all these expectations that we strove after because we felt less than in the first place. And this is because we never learned how to love ourselves truly.
When you begin improving your self-love and self-worth, you will find yourself needing self-forgiveness less and less for you will rise and begin living life in a way that serves you better. When you have healthy self-worth, you are whole and complete wherever you are as you are living life, there is no more feeling less than for you’ve risen above it.
Allow yourself to just be today, as you are, here and now. Talents and wisdom, and all that may be lacking. You are just fine today. Allow yourself to give up trying so hard to be anything but who you are here and now.
Invest in learning to love yourself greater for that is where you will find inner peace, wellness and joy!
The Art of Self-Acceptance
I mentioned a bit ago that in order to create positive changes, to move forward and be able to live more in the moment, taking each day as it arrives involves allowing and forgiving. We first allow ourselves to stop living in the yesterdays and tomorrows, we remove ourselves from it all and let our self be present here and now, today. It feels a little raw and uncomfortable at first but you’ll get used to what living in the present moment feels like.
Then we forgive ourselves for all the silly imperfections and expectations we’ve been trying to maintain – often we realize that we’ve been living under other’s ideas of how life is supposed to be. We forgive ourselves for not having handled things better, for not knowing how to make it all happen faster. We forgive ourselves for wanting to be superhuman and not having a magic easy button to make life easier
As we sit there, perched on the edge of our seat, or hiding under a blanket (both are fine), and we start looking at how we’ve been approaching life, we realize it feels okay, really, to be present right in the moment. It actually feels kind of good to have released ourselves of the burdens of yesterday and the imagined troubles of tomorrow. It feels pretty good to admit that spinning plates is kind of a messed-up way of living life.
In learning to accept ourselves, wholly and truthfully, this is our starting block for creating real change.
It’s here in the midst of vulnerability, feeling weak, embarrassed and unsure of who we want to be from now on and not really knowing what to do next, that we re-align with our authentic self. Think of it like returning to your life line tree, and when you can allow, forgive and accept it is as though you are sitting underneath your tree of life, taking shelter from life under its giant, sturdy branches. You can sit here as long as you need to gather up courage and strength to venture out again.
(Okay in reality you probably have 5 minutes and your tree of life is likely the bathroom throne, the only place you could hide and lock a door behind you but hey it doesn’t matter, we all need a space to have to ourselves and I’m not judging!)
I want you to understand that it is okay to admit that you aren’t handling it all, that the plates you’ve got spinning are off kilter and the multiple hats you are wearing are starting blow away in the breeze.
I want you to know you can give up the façade and the acting and feeling like you have to ‘be’ in order to be loved, wanted and accepted.
I want you to know that you can set it all down, yes you can, and you can just sit and breathe. (Successful people and hippies call this meditation.)
All positive changes come from within, and if you aren’t being authentic to your real self, the things and people and events that are draining you and stressing you will never change.
It’s time to hit pause. It’s time for you to slow down and reflect. It’s time to let go of what hasn’t been working. It’s time to let go of who and what that isn’t allowing you to be free and alive!
You can feel alive, free, on purpose and be living every day filled with passion and joy!
You are worthy of all of this!
You are worthy of wonderful self-love and care!
I hope you will join me, you can sign up below to continue learning how to love yourself greater.
Life is calling you to return to your authentic self, and it’s okay to listen.
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